Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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