My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
