You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i've created a new STD.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
