Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
