You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
