Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
