Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
