i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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