We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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