My balls are so social today.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
