my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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