i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
