Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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