she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In other news, I just burned my penis
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
