even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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