K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
