Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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