Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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