Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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