So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
