You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
