You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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