Screwed.edu
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Life is so much better after having sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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