I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
