is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
