The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
