i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize