i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
