You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
