Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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