Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Randomize
