Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
