I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
