the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
