i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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