i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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