I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My breasts were aching with rage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
