dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
