Who did Billy Mays play for?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
