Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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