i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Its about making memories worth repressing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
