I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
