Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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