think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
