I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
