do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
