just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
