I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
