Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
