if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
