if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I want her autograph on my taint
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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