I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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