at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
